(RACE) Bintang-Lahir

[Deleted]

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Meet the Bintang-Lahir! There may have been some edits made to your material, but it is our belief that the essence of your creation is in tact. Thanks for adding a piece of yourself to the Mysticverse!

Bintang-Lahir
Creative Tagline: The Star-born
150x150 Image: Link and link
Demeanor: As their name denotes them to be, they are very sweet creatures with the intent of bringing peace wherever they happen to set foot. They are "Gentle Giants", giving care in every move they make and word they say, as well as showing respect to those who deserve respect. One of their beliefs is that showing kindness to others will start the elimination process for all evil in the world to disappear. This has clouded their vision of what true evil looks like, and has turned them into one of the purest creatures known in the Mysticverse. Because of their shift in tenderheartedness for the better of all species, they have become susceptible to the darkest of hearts. Meaning if a Bintang-Lahir is not careful enough, their heart could be tainted by the evils of the world and they could be thrown off the path of goodness. Once a member of this species has fallen from his/her greatness, it is possible s/he will be disowned by his/her kind and left to the world to do as s/he pleases.
Brief History: The very first Bintang-Lahir created was known as Avur Laviguez, and he was created by an entity, to which it had no current name. From there, the entity had taught Avur the necessary skills to survive in the Mysticverse, as well as various other things. Among those was the ability to create and manipulate cosmic energy to his pleasing, thus the vital essence of Star Dust was born. As time passed by, Avur had named the entity who created him The Superior Creator, and made the entity a symbol to worship. However, when the days grew into years, he began to feel lonely, as if something was missing from the life he had been given. One day, he decided to create another being just like him, but he felt the need to make the new being someone who would love him. He produced the Star Dust needed to make this new being, and created the first female Bintang-Lahir, naming her Keishana Laviguez. He taught her what the entity had taught him, showing her how to create the Star Dust that was needed in their life. Avur even went as far as to teach her the ways of Human needs and how they were just like them, but on a higher scale. The young male soon began to fall in love with his creation, seeing the beauty in what he had created from the dust. On the other hand, Keishana did not feel the same, she had no set feeling toward him, but the feeling that he was her creator. To her it was more like a father-daughter bond and that nothing would change what she currently felt toward Avur. She had told him this openly, and it had greatly disappointed him; though, he did not stop hoping for the day that "bond" she felt would go away. She eventually confessed her love to him a few days, and happily, he married her, feeling that this was what was he had wanted all along.

Although created from Star Dust, but by Avur, she had grown to feel lonely as he did, though not the loneliness he had felt. Along came a day where she brought up the idea of a child, and with his consent, she had created a child from that Star Dust. Like Avur, she had taught the child what she had learned from him, and together the trio lived as a peaceful family until Ignicus, their child, grew up. He moved out of their home, created the family that he wanted, and so on and so forth. So is the story of the creation of the Bintang-Lahir, and how the race began to grow into more than just one, but to billions.
Anatomy & Looks: The typical Bintang-Lahir is a tall, youthful-looking man or woman with a supernatural beauty to him/her that can make him/her almost irresistible to look at. They are naturally athletic and fit, which gives off the idea that they were meant to look immortal for the rest of their lives, just as real gods are meant to. Their hair is usually short, but it can range in length as well as style depending on what the Bintang-Lahir is like. There is no set way that a man or woman from this species must look, and who would want to look the exact same as someone else? Overall, they look more Human than animal, and thus their appearances can range; there is no one Bintang-Lahir that looks like another. Although they are significantly close to what a Human may look like, there is one thing that sets them apart from them: they have a slight white or gold glow around the entirety of their body.
Skills: Bintang-Lahir are skilled in the works of cosmic energy, meaning they are profound in the magic arts of spacial matter and other spacial material. They are able to produce Star Dust and use it as a means to create weapons, constructs, and various other useful items. As well as they are able to use cosmic energies to create and manipulate matter within the spacial contents of the universe. Thus, they are able to call upon meteors, comets, asteroids, stars, moons, planets, nebula, quasars, and dark matter. Though they can not actually summon the celestial body, they can summon its energy in order to use it for a variety of reasons, such as teleportation throughout the universe. On a lower scale, they are skilled in animal taming and nothing more, as they are limited in what their cosmic abilities can do. However, some may ascend to the title of a Cosmic Guardian, a being who is the judge and enforcer of the universal laws, and is responsible for maintaining balance in the multiverse.
Lifespan: Between ten million to ten billion years.
Notes: Upon their death, their body disintegrates into, what is called, Star Dust, and the Star Dust will then disintegrate into nothingness, having been transported back to their original homeland. Hereby, Bintang-Lahir are susceptible to the follow:

• Imp Lily: A flower that appears to have the shape of an Imp and has a variety of petal colors, such as red, orange, blue, etc. This plant can be found in the ever-growing regions of Mundania, where it lacks colonization and ruins make their own. It can make a Bintang-Lahir violently sick upon ingestion or nauseated if around one; prone to sneezing, vomiting, and various other symptoms.
• Creslite: A type of stone found only in one world of the Mysticverse; it has a rancid scent like rotting flesh, but looks identical to a crystal. This stone can be found in the Underworld, where it can grow and soak in the spell of ever-rotting flesh. It can kill a Bintang-Lahir if a large amount is ingested, but will only make them sleep if touched.
• Evil: Because of their pure hearts, they are more prone to falling to the dark side and creating mayhem rather than peace. Those who have fallen to the dark side can no longer return to who they once were, though they may gain their heart of gold back.

[Rennat]

♦♦♦ Things to Fix ♦♦♦

Interesting race, but I feel like way too much was said for a race that isn't that complex. They are (basically) humans that control some sort of celestial force and live for billions of years. I'm going to need you to cut down on a lot of the repetitive points and some of the rambling.

• Break the demeanor and history down into two paragraphs each. Remove all mention of races not currently found in the Mysticverse according to the race thread (Pixies/Nymphs). The final paragraph of the demeanor is a messy summary of what you had already said, just get rid of it.
• The history is episodic by paragraph, which is a nice organizational technique, but I think you can fit the creation and then child-making into two paragraphs.
• The anatomy and looks can be easily summarized in one paragraph. No need to go on about the different ways a human can look, simply state that they are typically attractive and human in appearance. I would suggest adding some sort of signifying physical trait, also.
• Other than that, all you need to do is re-read your entry and revise it for basic grammar mistakes and phrasing issues, such as when you say "Like Mother Nature," and then two commas later, "just like her."

[Rennat]

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